My space at Adjectives Market has brought me so much joy and so much excitement - but if you've been there lately, you have seen that my space has not looked it's best. There were various (legitimate) reasons for a while - first I moved, then I got sick, then the boys got sick, then me again....with this constant excuse making, I finally decided it was time to scale back. Jeremy, the owner of Adjectives Market, knew my struggles, and was so kind and helpful as we talked about what was best for me moving forward. He offered me a smaller space that would be easier to manage, so this past weekend I moved into it. It will allow me to work at a normal pace and will leave time for real life. Initially, once the decision was made, relief washed over me. I didn't realize how overwhelmed I was, and once I knew it was coming to an end, I was (ironically) completely inspired to get back to work. I was still sick, but I was making time to paint again. Hooray!
The thing is, I don't necessarily think scaling back alone is the failure - I think the failure was in my attitude. I compared myself to others who are moving up, while I am taking a step back. I would never tell my best friend she 'failed' if she chose to devote more time to motherhood, or chose to slow down a little...so why do I tell myself that?
Theodore Roosevelt said that "Comparison in the thief of joy."
So why am I always comparing myself to others?
"She sells out of TWO stores PLUS her Etsy store and can handle the work. Why can't I do all that?"
"She has four children and a business and is doing just fine. What am I doing wrong here?"
"She writes several blog posts weekly, makes healthy meals from her organic garden, home schools her children, keeps a clean house, recycles or repurposes everything, throws perfect parties with handmade Pinterest-y invitations and favor bags, bakes gluten-free desserts for school fundraisers, volunteers at the local homeless shelter while taking in stray animals she finds on her way home and then nurses them back to health, she always has on lipstick and her hair always looks so nice, she never has boogers on her clothes, AND is the T-Ball team Mom! .... I could never do all that! What is wrong with ME?" Aaaaaaaaack!
So why can't I do all that? Truth is, it really doesn't matter. She's her and I'm me. Our inner worlds and struggles are rarely known by others, and I think we all just do the best we can. I don't know "her" struggles, so I'm being terribly unfair to myself to compare what I perceive as her strengths against my weaknesses. (It's true, that last woman is made up, I'm just painting the picture of how I torture myself. Remember my flair for the dramatic?)
So, for now, I will get back to my current mantra... "I'm not downsizing. I'm "rightsizing." I am doing what is right for my life. I bit off more than I could chew, and I'm making it right.
Yay for me.