from the bottom of my heart

Ok, so if you've followed my blog for a while, you know I am prone to not only irritated rants, but mushy drawn out love stories, and frankly, just about everything in between. I shoot from the hip here on this blog - and when I sit down to write, I sometimes feel like I bleed onto the keyboard.  I pretend I am writing to my best friend about exactly what I am thinking and feeling, about whatever topic I choose to write about, be it something from the bottom of my heart or something silly, trivial and completely light-hearted. Sometimes that means I say things that I know will make my Mom face-palm when she reads them, (sorry Mom) or sometimes it means I'm not sure I should say it out loud. But this is my honest place, so to me, it means showing pictures of my messy kitchen, saying things like "I'm working on my marriage" and telling you I'm starting a new budget to get out of debt.

I started this blog to promote my furniture painting business. But I realized recently, after reflecting on your amazing feedback, that I missed the boat entirely. Blogging is about connecting, not promoting alone. It's about sharing the human experience. Do I love to paint and write about that? YES. Do I love to share that I spent all day "polishing a turd" and painting a project that was a lost cause? YES. Because we have all been there. (If you haven't, keep it to yourself. This is a blog for the unperfect ones, thank you very much.)

I think the biggest service we can provide other women with is our honesty. The other day at my 6 year old's T-Ball practice, some of the Moms were talking about their jobs. When asked where I work, I replied that I work from home. Another Mom said "Oh, that must be so great!" And I said "Yes, there are perks. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but to be perfectly honest with you, most of the time it feels like I do a bad job at everything. I'm half-way in the computer, typing away furiously, and then half-way parenting my sons..throwing cookies at them for 5 more minutes of editing time... It can be really hard." It got quiet for a moment and I felt like a total freak. (oh my god, I'm the only one here who doesn't relish being a mom every moment of every day. They think my children should be taken away, I'm sure of it....worry! worry! stress! stress!) Then, one Mom broke the silence and said "I AM SO GLAD YOU JUST SAID THAT. I just had to quit my job this year, because I couldn't handle the kids AND working and I just felt like I was failing at both, and had to make a choice." It lead to one of the best conversations I have ever had with other Mothers, and I left feeling so validated and totally amazing.

Today, I really just want to thank you guys. I never thought that random strangers could touch my heart they way some of you have, and I am eternally grateful that you take the time to come here, read my ramblings, and comment with your experiences. I know how busy everyone is. That you would take the time to come here, inspire me, lift me up with your words when I am down, congratulate me when I am up...I just never saw all that love coming. It's an awesome thing.

In response to the post about my hubby and I reconciling after an almost year long separation, you wrote:

"Marriage is work and sometimes, the work is harder than we can imagine. If you can close your eyes and envision a future with one another, that somewhere in your hearts you each have but an ounce of hope, and you can still make each other laugh, your love will find its way through the muck. xo"
"its great news that you are both going to try again and make it work... probably with less financial strains, it will bounce back lovingly before too long.. after all, you did feel so much in the first place to get married... All the very best, and hugs from across the pond."

On downsizing my space at Adjectives Market, you wrote:

"RIGHT ON! Do what you please and be pleased with what you do. It's hard for all of us go-getters. But recognizing and having the strength to know your truth and put it out there is revolutionary. To me, that is the antidote to comparison. You rock."

"You are going to be fine, you have failed nothing. When the time is right you will be ready to kick some ass again."

"That my dear is an AMAZING post. We have all felt that way...well, at least I know I have... and are too chicken to admit it. Thank you for your honesty, bravery and for sharing your thoughts. It made me feel better. I am stronger for reading it and I am ever thankful to you."

"I think that the goal of our lives is to LISTEN to our OWN guidance and follow where it leads. How do you know why you are being given this message to slow down now? Maybe you are preparing for some totally new and fabulous thing that is coming your way, that you can't even imagine yet. If you didn't listen to this message now, and kept pushing yourself in a direction that isn't meant to be for you at this point, you wouldn't be ready for this new thing that is MEANT to be for YOU! Maybe, by listening, you are averting some disaster that would come upon you if you ignored the messages you are getting. When I'm held up in traffic, I always TRY to think "well, maybe it's saving me from a terrible accident...." We don't know WHY, but our mandate is to LISTEN. You are right on for following your OWN star in my book!!!!"

Those are just a few examples of why this job has been more rewarding than I could've anticipated. And that last comment? I think she may have had a crystal ball into my world, because there have been some new developments, and there are some bigger changes happening than I have told you guys about yet. So stay tuned.

It is an amazing thing in this day in age to open your heart to someone, and I feel how much you guys have opened your hearts to me and I want to continue to do the same. I hope you continue coming by, reading my posts and taking the time to comment and share your experiences with me.

It never goes unappreciated. I pinky promise.

xo,

Jess